HENRY FORD

By Corky Carroll

When you mention the name Henry Ford to most people they automatically think of the dude whose name is on all the Ford automobiles.  But to a surfer it’s a different Henry, the legendary Californian who is a mainstay in many aspects of our surfing culture.  The surfer, Henry Ford, is a classic dude. 

Henry started surfing along the sand bars in the south bay, Hermosa, Redondo, Manhattan and Torrance Beaches, way back in the early 1950’s. His mentors were Hoppy Swartz, the Meistrell brothers and Leroy Grannis. He was a star in many of Bruce Browns’ early surfing movies including “Slippery When Wet,” “Surfing Hollow Days” and “Barefoot Adventure.”  His surfing along the North shore of Oahu during those years gained him a reputation as one of the premier “hotdoggers” of the period.  During the era of surf clubs he, along with his pal and another classic surf legend, Freddy Phauler, were part of the infamous “Double Duce Danglers” of 22^nd Street in Hermosa Beach. He was also a regular at Malibu during the summers along with such notables as the surfing “king of pop” himself, Terry “Tube steak” Tracey, Mickey “da Cat” Dora, Johnny Fain, Mike Doyle, Mickey “the Mongoose” Munoz and “Gidget” herself. 

In the early years Henry spent his off surfing hours working in the sales shop for Velzy and Jacobs Surfboards, and later Jacobs Surfboards in Redondo Beach.  He was in charge of the surf team during its glory years with surf stars such as Lance Carson, Ricky Hatch, Johnny Fain and Robert August on the slate.  His gift of gab and excellent salesman attributes would eventually land him smack dab in the middle of the surfing industry.  He was also a lifeguard all over the south bay and Malibu area.

Henry moved to San Clemente, were he still lives, over twenty years ago and spent a long period working in the Stewart Surf Shop.  He also became involved in putting on surfing events, including the Rabbit Kekai Invitational in Costa Rica, which recently moved to Hawaii to make it easier on Rabbit, and others.  He would eventually move into the apparel section of the surfing business and found a home with Koko Island.  From there he landed with his current project “Gidget World-wide Promotions.”  Classic Henry, starting out in the Malibu crowd along with Gidget and now, at age 70 something, he winds up working with her.  Isn’t it good to know that some survive.

I have the good fortune to get to surf with Henry every now and then.  Usually he, along with Walter Hoffman and John Creed, will show up at one of my local spots when there is a good swell.  These dudes are really fun to surf with.  They are all old and dog-eared, well except for John Creed who should be slapped for not looking or acting his age, and yet they all can still charge when it comes to surfing.  Walter has a little bit of “Corkys

Syndrome,” a hard time getting to his feet, but once up he surfs just fine.  Henry is still a good surfer and has as much fun as anybody out there.  That is why I like him.  He is one of those dudes with a great sense of humor both in and out of the water, a big smile and always easy to get a laugh out of.  You can see him in the lineup or at some surfing trade show and it’s the same, a warm smile and an “it’s great to see ya” attitude.  

Henry is an inductee into the South Bay Surfers Hall of Fame and has been a successful competitor in surfing competitions for longer than I can remember.  Aside from his surfing accomplishments he was also acclaimed as a “Hero” for rescuing a mother and her children from a burning house in San Clemente a couple of years ago.  His comment was, “Well, the mom was kinda hot.”  I guess he meant because of the fire? 

Henry is one of the true colorful characters in the surfing world and is still in the thick of it on a daily basis.  I have no idea if he is in any way related to the car dude, but in surfing this stylish goofy-foot is a true icon.

SURF DOGS

By Corky Carroll

There seems to be a resurgence of surfing dogs these days.  They are even having surfing contests that are for them, holy barkalot.  I have known a few great surfing dogs through the years myself.  One that I remember very well was “Ajax.”  Ajax belonged to San Diego surfing legend Skip Frye.  Skip used to surf with Ajax on the nose of his board at Tourmaline Canyon, a spot whose name was recently officially changed to “Skip Frye Surfing Beach.”  He would bring him up to San Onofre sometimes too. 

One of my favorite surfing dogs was “Misha.”  Misha was a really cool little snauzer that was the surf partner of Antonio Ochoa, one of the first and longest running surfers in Mexico.  He would paddle out with her on his board and she would jump off and swim over to my board and hang out for awhile while waiting for a wave.  When a set came Antonio would give her a whistle and she would dive back in and be back on his board in time for the take off.  If anybody dropped in on them she would bark her head off until the offender would pull out.  And then when they paddled back out she would snarl at them.  If a really good wave would come along that Antinio wanted for himself he would toss her off and she would tread water until he got back out there.  She would sometimes also dive off the front of his board and dog-bodysurf, it was cool to see.  And if she got tired of surfing she would simply jump off and swim to shore. 

I had a dog that surfed once.  His name was “Boris.”  This was back in the mid 1960’s when I used to surf Cotton’s Point all the time.  One day Boris ran down to the edge of the water when I was getting ready to paddle out and he jumped onto my board.  So I figured what the heck, I would take him out for a wave.  We took off on a pretty big wave too, maybe six or seven feet.  Everything went well for most of the wave.  But as we were coming into the shorebreak the wave was really lining up and I was not sure how to handle the inside section with a dog sitting on the nose of my board.  In my moment of indecision I fell off the back and Boris was set free, hanging paws over the nose as he got totally barreled.  Bummer for Boris was that the wave closed out right on the sand and he ate it like a rat.  And man, when a dog eats it like a rat it is a big time wipe-out.  Boris and my board rolled up on the beach together and that was the last time he ever got anywhere near the water.  Sorry Boris. 

Hats off to all the surfing dogs out there.

SURF TUMORS

By Corky Carroll

As many of you might know, especially those who have known me for awhile, I have what I presume to be the biggest surf bumps on the planet.  Surf bumps are growths on your body that grow to protect some place where a lot of unusual pressure takes place.  When I was young and we rode the big heavy boards, which we could paddle on our knees, I have them on my knees and feet.   My knees made it into more of the surf movies than my surfing did. 

When the boards went short and I had to paddle prone all the time the bumps on my knees and feet went away but were replaced by even larger ones on my rib cages.  Right now I have them about the size of half grapefruit.  My kids have called me “the man with four breasts” for years.  About ten years ago I got tired of people staring at them and talked to a plastic surgeon about getting rid of them.  He had never seen anything like them but assured me that he could take them off via Liposuction and they would never return.  After an extremely painful recovery and three months out of the water, at which time I could not even lay on my stomach in a soft bed, they grew right back even bigger than before.  After that I gave up and have just resigned myself to the fact that I am gonna have this funny looking body for the rest of my life.

People ask me about these bumps all the time.  Recently I got an email from a dude named David Cramer who had bumps similar to mine.  He was trying to figure out what to do about them.  He elected full surgical removal.  I asked him to let me know how it came out and I just got the following email from him. 

“I started surfing at the age of 15 and it’s my passion . It’s almost like these things just appeared one day. Two large lumps on each side of my ribcage. It just happens to be the main area of contact when paddling on a surfboard.  I am 47 now, and the first time I can recall noticing them was about 7 years ago when my daughter told me I had 4 breasts. It was when preparing for a surf trip in 2006 that I wondered if these lumps were due to the surfboard pressure from 30 years of surfing. While browsing the internet I came upon the Paddle Air website which linked me to Corky Carroll. As I read Corky’s story on the site, I knew right then we have the same condition. What disappointed me was that Corky had his lumps removed but grew back. I did purchase a paddle air vest, and not only did it relieve pressure on my lumps but just brought a new comfort level on the board.

January 2009, during a yearly medical checkup my doctor was amazed and had never seen lumps like this before. He assured me there was no medical concern and referred me to a plastic surgeon in town. I didn’t  follow up.

During a trip to Mexico at the end of 2009 my lumps seemed to have gotten larger, the size of cutting a baseball in half.. At my 2010 checkup the doctor asks why I had not done anything about it. I then decided to make some calls to the plastic surgeons he recommended. I found one that accepted my insurance.

Dr Vanik looked at the lumps and told me it was Lypoma, probably not cancerous but a small chance it could be. He had never seen Lypoma so large. I explained to him that I thought it was related to my surfing, but he didn’t seem to make the connection. Since they were so large he determined it would have to be removed via full surgery. The visit seemed too quick and he asked if I was ready to do surgery on Thursday. I never had surgery before, so I set it for 2 weeks.  

The worst part of the post surgery was the drainage tubes and bags that I had for about 3 days. The bags would fill up with fluid which had to be drained each night.  It’s now several weeks after the surgery and I’m feeling better. The two 3” scars are somewhat irritated but healing up well. Can’t wait to get back on my surfboard.”  David Cramer.

We will keep track of how this develops and follow up again later.

THE MOOD OF THE SPOT

By Corky Carroll

I was reading about the situation in Laguna Beach the other day where artist Andrew Myers was taking back his bronze surfer statue, that he had been commissioned to make by the City, that was supposed to be installed at the foot of Brooks Street, home of the legendary surf break and also the oldest running surfing competition that I know of.  From what I get is that the locals asked that the statue not be place right in the center of the viewing area due to the fact that nobody wants to lose any view.  I guess that was all good.  But then there is also the fact that the statue, which is called “The Classic,” depicts a surfer holding a longboard and checking out the surf.  All that is fine and dandy too.  But there is a request that the artist change the color of the surfboard from bright orange to something else, I don’t know what but I guess anything other than bright orange.  The color doesn’t fit in with the beaches culture.  From what I understand this miffed Andrew the artist and he has pulled his placement of the statue.  

This is kind of a typical deal, artists are known to be temperamental and locals are known to be knit picky about stuff like bright colors in their neighborhood.  But, in respect to the locals I have to go along with the notion that a bright orange surfboard is not exactly something that would blend into the atmosphere.  Yes, it would grab your eye, and maybe that is what the artist was looking for, but would that be attractive or one of those deals where you go, “geeze, what was this guy thinking?”  The fact is that you don’t see too many bright orange surfboards and that is probably for a good reason.  He could have made it blue and it would have fit in the ocean view. 

This goes along with a little side story that fits in with the last two weeks columns about the sharks down at San Onofre.  The general consensus is that a dead whale that the lifeguards buried on the beach a long time ago is a main factor in the presence of the sharks hanging out there.  The feeling is that the decomposed remains of the whale seeps oils and stuff through the sand and into the ocean, and the great whites are attracted to that and stay in the area because they think there is some tasty whale jerky or something like that nearby.  Makes sense.   Well, not long after the whale thing they got a new park ranger in for San Onofre, it’s a state beach.  I guess the new dude wanted to get rid of the nudists that used to hang out at trail 6, which was the local nude beach for awhile.  So, when a dead sea lion washed up on the beach he had the lifeguards take it down and bury it in the middle of the nude dudes volley ball court, with just one fin sticking up.  He must have figured the smell would drive them away, but they didn’t seem to notice and keep right on playing nude volleyball.  Ya gotta love it, why is it that new guys always seem to have to “fix” something? 

I don’t know that the nudists were much of a menace.  I went down there one time, just out of curiosity (ok, I was hoping to check out some hot nude babes) and there was just a bunch of fat old dudes and one really not pretty woman.  I would not use the term “ugly,” as it is disrespectful, but she was so not pretty that her nickname was “the Wolfman.” 

I am not so sure that she and her naked pals were all that view enhancing either, but at least they were off by themselves and seemingly were not bothering anybody or their oceanic views.  In Laguna Beach this statue was gonna be right there where everybody known to man would see it.  Is a bright orange surfboard that much of an eye sore?  Maybe, maybe not.  Beauty and aesthetics are in the eye of the beholder.  I mean, you are talking to a guy who rides a board airbrushed to look like a cow.  Hey!  There is the answer.  Change the board to cow colors and the statue can be me.  (Shut up, I can hear you gagging from here.)   

MELLOW OUT

By Corky Carroll

I had a very bad experience this past week and I feel that sharing it with you might shed some light on why we all need to really mellow out in the water and cut way back on all the aggression and heavy vibes in our crowded conditions.  I was happily enjoying a nice surf session the other day.  The waves were good and it was a beautiful morning.  All of a sudden two guys that know started some sort of verbal warfare between the two of them.  I heard one of them tell the other to shut his mouth and then paddle away. 

“Humph!” I thought, wondering what that was all about.

A short while later there was some more loud words and then they got into a little skirmish right there in the lineup.  I was sitting about twenty feet away and saw and heard the whole thing.  I was thinkin that this was really a bad situation as I am good friends with one of the guys father and also good friends with the other guys girlfriend.  Normally when guys go at it in the water I look at it as entertainment.  But I guess when its people you know it’s not so funny.  I didn’t think this was funny at all, sad was more like it.  The whole issue was pretty stupid all the way around.  But nobody got hurt and they went their separate ways and I thought that was the end of it.

But later in the day I found out that one of the guys had called the police and was pushing for charges to be filed and it was pretty serious.  The other guy had been arrested and taken to jail.  And on top of all that I was being told that as an eye witness that I was required to go in and make a statement of what I saw.  This was NOT what I wanted to do.  So I went over and tried to talk the guy who was pressing the charges into mellowing out and letting it drop.  He wouldn’t do it.  On top of it the guys girlfriend was also friends with the other guys father.  I reminded her that we were all friends and the last thing the father needed was any kind of trouble, he has had his share already.  But no dice, they were pushing ahead.

I went in as asked and told what I saw and tried to calm the situation down by putting it into perspective as “just one of those dumb things that happen,” hoping it would not come to anything more than what it already had.  The truth was that both of them were at fault in my eyes.  One should have shut up when the other guy told him too and the other guy didn’t really need to call the cops.  But that is just my opinion.  I did my best to calm it all down.

Then I get an email from the father of the guy who got arrested blaming it all on me and telling me how he is never going to forgive me for “telling the cops it was my sons fault when he didn’t do a thing.”  

Argh.  His son was not innocent, neither was the other guy.  It was like they both were intent on confrontation.  And I did not blame his son, nor the other guy.  I just told what I saw and heard.  My best explanation I could give was to compare it to twenty hungry guys looking at one chicken.  They all want the chicken and the two strongest would up fighting over it.  Words were said, blows where thrown, bla bla bla.  In the middle of the whole thing while everyone was watching the two dude paddle away a great wave came along and I grabbed it while nobody else was looking.  None the less, it was a real lose-lose situation. 

WHEN DA SHARK BITES

By Corky Carroll

For the past several years there have been continuous shark sightings in the San Onofre Surfing Beach area.  It has been documented on television and in the papers many times along with photos and video taken for helicopters and from the beach.  It seem that some great whites have taken up residence in the area and seem to be willing to co-exist with the surfers fairly well so far.  At least they haven’t eaten anybody that we know of, yet.  The other day I got an email from my pal and avid SUP surfer Ron Chrislip.  Ron has been the main influence on me to take up paddling on the SUPs and he is so stoked on it that it is all he ever talks about anymore.  A typical conversation with him goes like this:

“Hey Ron, howsit?”

“I love SUPs, you gotta do it.  It is the best thing since sex and you will never go back once you start.”

“Cool, so what’s new.?

“My new SUP, it’s amazing.” 

“O.K., see ya later then.”

“Yeah, I’ll be on my SUP.” 

It goes on like that and no matter how many times you try and change the subject he reverts it back to SUPs.  He is a lawyer, so he is good at directing the flow of the conversation.  Anyway, he is stoked and that is a good thing.  To be really and clearly “INTO” something, no matter what it is, I think is healthy.  Well, maybe not if its cannibalism or something, but you know what I mean.  So, speaking of man eating, here is Ron’s email to me:

“This morning I paddled out on my SUP at dog patch. I had cut my toe on the shore rocks on the way out and my toe was bleeding, although I didn’t know because the water was too cold.  After about an hour some guy paddles buy and says he saw a big shark. I look on the horizon to see if I could see a fin, then I look down and a 9 foot great white shark was staring at me in front of my board about 2 feet away.  Lucky I was standing and not dragging my bloody toe in the water. I almost fell on top of the shark. He stayed for about 10 seconds slowly circling in front of me. It seemed like an eternity. My board was slowly drifting toward him until I was almost on top the curious bugger, and then he slowly, very slowly, swam away toward a kayaker 50 yards away. I told the dude there is a shark swimming right towards you. We both slowly paddled in. It was about 100 yards to shore. I had this weird feeling that the shark was following me in.  I didn’t fall or get off my board until it hit the sand. When I got off 2 dudes came up and said they had seen the same shark-9-10 foot great white. One guy had fallen in the impact zone and as he was splashing around the tail of the shark nearly hit him. It turns out that a great white juvenile has been scaring the poopoo out of people at San Onofre for about 7 years. The latest was 3 weeks ago when it knocked some guy off his SUP. Now my name is on the list of buyers for new shorts. Look it up on the  internet. San Onofre is now the great white shark capital of the world. As I said I didn’t realize my foot was bleeding until I came on the beach and saw a trail of blood to my car.  You see more stuff on the SUP, good or bad.”

Speaking of eating things, tomorrow is Mothers Day.  No, the thought of “they always eat their young” is not what comes to mind.  But with a few of my pals it might not have been a bad idea on their moms part.  But what I wanted to say is that a Mama day gift basket from Wonderland Bakery makes a great gift item.  They are in Newport Beach and do great things, including the new “Corky Cowacookie Surf Basket” that we have been lovingly designing.  Happiness to all the mamas out there. 

Lastly, you still have a week to get your entry into the “name my new massage chair” contest.  Entries close on Friday.  

WHY SURFING SHOULD NOT BE IN THE OLYMPICS

By Corky Carroll

I have said this before, but after watching these last Olympics I am more convinced than ever.  Surfing is not now, nor will ever be, or at least should not ever be, an Olympic sport.  O.K., I know right now there are tons of you bright eyed and bushy tailed proponents of the “sport” of surfing who are saying, “What are you saying?  Surfing is the coolest sport in the world and for sure should be in the Olympics!” 

But that is my point.  Surfing is the coolest sport, art form, lifestyle and/or thingie that many of us do to one extent or another.  And I do it to probably much more of an extent than almost anybody so my opinion counts.  At least to me.  Surfing is too cool for the Olympics.  Way too cool.  And my case in point right now is my experience trying to watch these just past games on the television. 

There I was, all set and waiting for the games to begin.  I like watching the ski events and rooting for our guys and chicks.   And I can even be content to watch some of the figure skating and the racing.  Plus the bobsleds are pretty cool too.  Plus the nice thing about the winter games is that there are none of the really lame sports such as synchronized swimming and ballroom dancing that they have in the summer games.  What is up with the geeks who make these decisions as to what is an Olympic sport?  It is impossible for me to think of surfing alongside these kinda activities. 

So anyway, there I was all happy and ready get into some serious couch time in front of the tube watching the skiing and bobsleds etc.   Checking the guide one day I saw that I was just in time to see some of the action.  So I cranked on the set and tuned into the channel and kicked back and got ready to be entertained.  Then the announced announced, in the Olympic announcer kinda voice that I was expecting, “And today we will be presenting the exciting sport of Women’s Curling.” 

Women’s Curling?  I felt a monster sigh of disappointment leave my body.  Is it just me or is curling the most lame idea for a sport, especially an Olympic sport, ever?  This is some sort of drinking game for Eskimos or penguins or other lifeforms that might find themselves in some frozen forsaken snowed in bar in the area of either the north or south pole.  But in the Olympics? 

I tried to give it the benefit of the doubt and struggled through about twenty minutes.  NOT.  Click.  Even though the waves were blown out afternoon chop it was better than watching the exciting sport of women’s curling.   That was about as much fun as stepping in gum at the supermarket parking lot.  

A few days later I saw that the Olympics were coming on again so I got all set in front of the television set one more time.  This time it had to be something better.  Then the announced announced, in the Olympic announcer kinda voice that I was expecting, “And today another exciting look at …………. Women’s Curling.”  Does the term “vomit” mean anything to these people?  Gag me with a snow shovel Margaret.  There it was again.  I could not believe my ears, and eyes. 

Oh well, I didn’t have all day to watch television anyway as I needed to go to the airport to pick up some guests who were coming for a week of surfing with me.  So I figured I would go to the market and buy some food and then head out to the airport to get ‘em. 

A few hours later I cruised into the food court at the airport to grab a cup of coffee and a cinnabun while I was waiting for the flight to come in.  I looked up to see that the Olympics were on the television set above the bar.  Cool, I thought.  The stupid curling had to be over by now.  YOU WOULD THINK!  But noooooooooooo!  There it was again, and it was the same match that was on earlier.  Just farther on.  How long is a curling match?  Do they call it a match? 

After that I checked the guide to see what was on before trying to catch any more of the games.  But every single time I checked there was curling.  Men’s Curling.  Women’s Curling.  It would have been more fun to watch Hair Curling.  Or the exciting sport of “Lip Curling.”  I could see Clint Eastwood winning a gold in that one.  “Make my day.”  But I did get the idea that this might be a good way for some of the SUP (stand up paddleboard) guys to make it into the Olympics.  They could try out to be “sweepers.”  Those people who run along like crazy and sweep off the ice as the big thingie slides along.  Geeze, where is Olympic Bachi Ball when you need it?

WHERE’S WINGNUT

By Corky Carroll

I have a pal named Robert Weaver.  He goes by the name “Wingnut,” a moniker given to him as a kid growing up along the shores in Newport Beach.  If you knew him you would know why he is called that.  I love Wingie for many reasons.  He is very funny, has a great attitude, is an extremely gifted surfer and is totally shameless when it comes to self promotion.  Hey, it’s a hard surf-world out there and ya gotta do what ya gotta do to survive.  I can dig it.  Wingnut has done as good or better than anybody else at making a pro surfing career out of a non contest oriented background.  He co-stared in the film “Endless Summer 2,” and ran with it.  The other day I got an email from him stating that in yet another shameless attempt at self promotion he was starting a page on FACEBOOK.  The theme of which is “where’s Wingnut?”  This way he can feed constant information about where he is and what he is doing to his flock of adoring followers all over the globe.  But he did not include a link in his email to the new Wingnut page.

So, being curious, I logged onto Facebook and hit the search button for “Wingnut.”  Oh my God!  What an adventure this turned out to be.  There are 371 different Wingnuts and variations of Wingnuts listed.  So I decided to check out the list just to see what other kinds of “Wingnuts” were out there.

My first stop was with a Wingnut Williams who lists himself as a Cat.  His favorite activities include licking himself, spitting up hairballs, rolling in dirt and standing at the front door.  His favorite music is Cat Stevens.  Next up came Chester Wingnut.  A dude whose photo looks like Mrs. Doubtfire doing a teeth-whitening ad.   There are a ton of interesting looking Wingnut variations, including a dude who looks like Pee Wee Herman, who don’t share their information unless you request to be friends with them.   There are a Cletis Wingnut, Wingnut Gonzales, Wingnut Warpath, Wingnut McHeadcase, Wingnut Nut,  Ihop Wingnut, Wingnut Rufus, Chikquita Wingnut, Wingnut Here, Wingnut Mcspadden, Wingnut Rock, Wingnut McCrack, Wingnut Wallaby,  Wingnut X, Wingnut Hero, Wilber Wingnut, Delbert Wingnut, Shrinky Wingnut, Wingnut Bloomers, Dronebot Wingnut, Wingnut Hysteria, Wingnut Bignut, Goofargenstein Wingnut, Pooglianna Wingnut, Wingnut Ears, and of course Wingnut Butts.  Not wanting to risk kicking up a friendship with many of these stranger than strangers, I forged ahead with ones that had info listed.  There is a Buddy Wingnut who is a member of Dr. Horribles Sing-along Blog.  A Wingnut Kenneally who goes to Colberts Bar and whose photo shows him in an array of non matching leather along with a beret and sunglasses.  A Wing Nut who is an older bald dude with a very square head and giant ears, no I mean really giant ears.  I can see why they call him Wing Nut.  A Johnny Wingnut who has a photo of porn star Ron Jeremy posted, what’s up with that?  A Wingnut Deerhunter who is a female interested in Men and Women and lists herself as a “demon mindrender.”  What is that?  A Wingnut Fortyseven who looks like he could be Bob Marleys grandfather and just stuck his finger in a light socket.  A Wingnut Dargue whose photo shows him in full combat gear with some sort of terrorist headwear and aiming an assault rifle at you.  A Dan Wingnut who appears to really have that last name and is from England.  A Chris Wingnut whose photo is Mr. Potato Head.  A Wingnut Winger who is also from England and lists his activity as “playing about in me wee bloo thingie.”  A Wingnut Ziman who is a female dog wearing a pink sweatshirt.  A Skippy Wingnut who is a white rabbit and the photo shows him having his way with a chicken.  A Luke Wingnut who is a weightlifter and has a photo of himself wading in the shorebreak with surf trunks on.  His activities are eating, drinking, sleeping, parties, and women.  A Simon Wingnut Spittlehouse whose photo has to be the poster shot for the why they shouldn’t let them live Club.  Not to mention the dude with the worst “mullet” known to man.  There is more but I don’t have room for all of them. 

Finally, after hours of laughing my way through the wacky world of wingnuts, I came to the end.  And there was NO listing for the Wingnut that I was looking for.  Shocked and annoyed I called him up only to find that his page is the WINGUT FAN PAGE.  Oh, excuuuuuuseeee meee.  I should have known.  

PADDLE BOARDS

By Corky Carroll

With all of the fanfare about the new sport of Stand Up Paddleboarding people are always asking me about when I was racing paddleboards back in the 60’s.  Of course in those days we did not stand up on ‘em, nor have paddles.  Most people paddled them laying down or on their knees.  I was mostly a knee paddler as I felt that was faster and gave you more leverage.

One of my favorite stories to tell is about how I got into paddleboard racing.  When I was first surfing for Ole surfboards in Seal Beach Mickey Munoz and I entered a surfing contest at a spot called D and W in Playa del Rey.  Mickey was the store manager and would become one of my greatest friends and a huge influence on my surfing career and life in general.  He has an amazing sense of humor and a real pure stoke about him that I took to right off the bat.  He was sort of like my coach and guidance counselor at the same time.  I needed both I guess, being bent on becoming a surfer for life and obnoxious enough to possibly being able to pull it off. 

Mickey suggested that I enter the paddle race at the surfing contest.  I had never even thought about paddle racing until then and figured I would get smoked by the bigger and much stronger dudes, most lifeguard types.   

They held the paddleboard race after all the surfing events.  I had competed and won the junior mens division and had been in and out of the water all day.  The last thing I felt like doing was going into a paddle race, but Mickey had me entered and would not let me bail out.  None the less I was not real gung ho about the whole thing.  I was more interested in sniffing around a hot little surf babe that I had met earlier in the day in-between heats.  

When we all lined up for the race the contest director outlined the course to us.  It was to go out around a buoy and then south about a mile around another buoy and then back around the first buoy and first guy to cross a finish line on the beach won.   Seemed pretty simple.  But when the race got underway things got more complicated.

Mike  Doyle was the big favorite and took an early lead.  Surprisingly the whole pack was fairly close together rounding the first buoy and I was not in last place, but not in the front of the group either.  As the pack approached the far buoy Doyle asked a couple of the guys close to him if that was the buoy we were supposed to go around, or was it another one that was farther down the beach.  There was confusion and everybody decided it was the next one.  Except me.  I went around that one and back and went in and won.  Everybody else was heading for the next buoy when it drove away.  It was a big outboard motor on the back of a boat.  

And that is the story of how I got into paddleboard racing.

I AM OFFICIALLY A LOUNGE LIZARD

By Corky Carroll

A couple of weeks ago I started out on a mission.  I called it the “Get the chair experience.”  What had happened was that I had been at a pals house who had one of those wonderful leather massage chairs that I like to bask in when at the mall.  I loved it.  Then I was in a store and there it was again.  They had to pry me out of the thing when the store closed.  It was a sign from the comfort and pleasure Gods, I had to have one of these exquisite pieces of furniture paradise.  From there my plan was hatched, I was going to score a sponsorship from the company that makes these vehicles into nirvana for your body. 

This only makes sense, really.  Think about it.  All the young pros are getting zillions of dollars for endorsing the different brands of surfwear, wetsuits, sunglasses and all the rest of the bla bla bla that goes along with today’s surfing industry.  There is nary a fun-bunk for a lifetime old geezer surf pro these days.  Let’s face it, the thinking is that no fifteen year old surf grom is gonna buy a pair of surftrunks because he sees me wear them.  But we have a whole new animal here.  Who is the poster boy for surfers with bad backs?  Who is a leader in the quest for ultimate pleasure and fun zones across the globe?  Who shunned a life of successful money making in favor of seeking the most desirable surfing lifestyle available?  Who is the ultimate feel good guy?  Me, of course.  There is not a shadow of a doubt there.  And don’t even think of trying to argue this point because you know it’s true. 

So, with this thinking in mind, I set out to become a spokesperson for Human Touch Massage Chairs.  After several minutes of intense research I found the phone number for the company, which confidently is located in nearby Long Beach.  With one call I obtained the name of the person in charge of Public Relations, a cool chick named Rachel.  Almost sounds like Raquel, my beautiful wife’s name, so that seemed a good start.  From there I put together a proposal where I more than less spelled out that I am a pro surfer for life and am “older” now and am a firm believer in the wonders of massage therapy.  I surf everyday and suffer, as do almost all older surfers, from back pain.  I listed my credentials as former Surf Champ of this and that and suggested that I would be a perfect fit as a spokesperson for the Human Touch Massage Chair.  And, to top this off, I had a ton of emails sent in by readers of this column from a couple of weeks ago when I wrote that if you believe that I should have one of these chairs to email me.  Thankfully many of you agreed with me and sent an email.   There was one dude who suggested that I should get “the chair” in a totally different meaning, but hey, there is always one funny guy in the crowd.  So I put all that together and sent if off.  Hey, who knows?  Maybe it could work.

The very next day I got an email back from Rachel saying that she thought I might have a good idea and that she was forwarding my proposal to Andrew Corkhill, the chief heffe at Human Touch.  Andrew CORKHILL?????   Oh my God, I could feel that chair under my amble butt massaging away right then and there.  We have name in common grounds.  Somewhere along the line the dude must have been, or maybe still is, called Corky.  The mission was looking stronger by the minute.  My poor aching surf back was calling for a chair. 

Then a few days later it Voila!  Rachel emailed me back and said that Mr. Corkhill had gone for my deal and would be happy to offer me a one year endorsement in trade for his top of the line Human Touch massage chair.  I love it when a plan comes together. 

And now I am happy to say that my beautiful new amazing  chocolate brown leathery love for the body unit is sitting right here in my living room.  Now everyday after my hours of surfing I can kick back and recover in the loving hands of my chair.  It even has a sexy female voice that talks to me, kinda like one of those directional units in a car but with a far more soothing voice and demeanor.  How good does it get?  Not much better than this. 

So, as I sign off for this week my lovely wife Raquel is getting ready to hand me a freshly made “Corkarita,” and I am gonna sink back into my chair, which I need a name for……any suggestions send ‘em in….. and watch the sunset.  There is a new swell starting to hit and I think tomorrow is gonna be really good.