SURF TUMORS

By Corky Carroll

As many of you might know, especially those who have known me for awhile, I have what I presume to be the biggest surf bumps on the planet.  Surf bumps are growths on your body that grow to protect some place where a lot of unusual pressure takes place.  When I was young and we rode the big heavy boards, which we could paddle on our knees, I have them on my knees and feet.   My knees made it into more of the surf movies than my surfing did. 

When the boards went short and I had to paddle prone all the time the bumps on my knees and feet went away but were replaced by even larger ones on my rib cages.  Right now I have them about the size of half grapefruit.  My kids have called me “the man with four breasts” for years.  About ten years ago I got tired of people staring at them and talked to a plastic surgeon about getting rid of them.  He had never seen anything like them but assured me that he could take them off via Liposuction and they would never return.  After an extremely painful recovery and three months out of the water, at which time I could not even lay on my stomach in a soft bed, they grew right back even bigger than before.  After that I gave up and have just resigned myself to the fact that I am gonna have this funny looking body for the rest of my life.

People ask me about these bumps all the time.  Recently I got an email from a dude named David Cramer who had bumps similar to mine.  He was trying to figure out what to do about them.  He elected full surgical removal.  I asked him to let me know how it came out and I just got the following email from him. 

“I started surfing at the age of 15 and it’s my passion . It’s almost like these things just appeared one day. Two large lumps on each side of my ribcage. It just happens to be the main area of contact when paddling on a surfboard.  I am 47 now, and the first time I can recall noticing them was about 7 years ago when my daughter told me I had 4 breasts. It was when preparing for a surf trip in 2006 that I wondered if these lumps were due to the surfboard pressure from 30 years of surfing. While browsing the internet I came upon the Paddle Air website which linked me to Corky Carroll. As I read Corky’s story on the site, I knew right then we have the same condition. What disappointed me was that Corky had his lumps removed but grew back. I did purchase a paddle air vest, and not only did it relieve pressure on my lumps but just brought a new comfort level on the board.

January 2009, during a yearly medical checkup my doctor was amazed and had never seen lumps like this before. He assured me there was no medical concern and referred me to a plastic surgeon in town. I didn’t  follow up.

During a trip to Mexico at the end of 2009 my lumps seemed to have gotten larger, the size of cutting a baseball in half.. At my 2010 checkup the doctor asks why I had not done anything about it. I then decided to make some calls to the plastic surgeons he recommended. I found one that accepted my insurance.

Dr Vanik looked at the lumps and told me it was Lypoma, probably not cancerous but a small chance it could be. He had never seen Lypoma so large. I explained to him that I thought it was related to my surfing, but he didn’t seem to make the connection. Since they were so large he determined it would have to be removed via full surgery. The visit seemed too quick and he asked if I was ready to do surgery on Thursday. I never had surgery before, so I set it for 2 weeks.  

The worst part of the post surgery was the drainage tubes and bags that I had for about 3 days. The bags would fill up with fluid which had to be drained each night.  It’s now several weeks after the surgery and I’m feeling better. The two 3” scars are somewhat irritated but healing up well. Can’t wait to get back on my surfboard.”  David Cramer.

We will keep track of how this develops and follow up again later.

THE MOOD OF THE SPOT

By Corky Carroll

I was reading about the situation in Laguna Beach the other day where artist Andrew Myers was taking back his bronze surfer statue, that he had been commissioned to make by the City, that was supposed to be installed at the foot of Brooks Street, home of the legendary surf break and also the oldest running surfing competition that I know of.  From what I get is that the locals asked that the statue not be place right in the center of the viewing area due to the fact that nobody wants to lose any view.  I guess that was all good.  But then there is also the fact that the statue, which is called “The Classic,” depicts a surfer holding a longboard and checking out the surf.  All that is fine and dandy too.  But there is a request that the artist change the color of the surfboard from bright orange to something else, I don’t know what but I guess anything other than bright orange.  The color doesn’t fit in with the beaches culture.  From what I understand this miffed Andrew the artist and he has pulled his placement of the statue.  

This is kind of a typical deal, artists are known to be temperamental and locals are known to be knit picky about stuff like bright colors in their neighborhood.  But, in respect to the locals I have to go along with the notion that a bright orange surfboard is not exactly something that would blend into the atmosphere.  Yes, it would grab your eye, and maybe that is what the artist was looking for, but would that be attractive or one of those deals where you go, “geeze, what was this guy thinking?”  The fact is that you don’t see too many bright orange surfboards and that is probably for a good reason.  He could have made it blue and it would have fit in the ocean view. 

This goes along with a little side story that fits in with the last two weeks columns about the sharks down at San Onofre.  The general consensus is that a dead whale that the lifeguards buried on the beach a long time ago is a main factor in the presence of the sharks hanging out there.  The feeling is that the decomposed remains of the whale seeps oils and stuff through the sand and into the ocean, and the great whites are attracted to that and stay in the area because they think there is some tasty whale jerky or something like that nearby.  Makes sense.   Well, not long after the whale thing they got a new park ranger in for San Onofre, it’s a state beach.  I guess the new dude wanted to get rid of the nudists that used to hang out at trail 6, which was the local nude beach for awhile.  So, when a dead sea lion washed up on the beach he had the lifeguards take it down and bury it in the middle of the nude dudes volley ball court, with just one fin sticking up.  He must have figured the smell would drive them away, but they didn’t seem to notice and keep right on playing nude volleyball.  Ya gotta love it, why is it that new guys always seem to have to “fix” something? 

I don’t know that the nudists were much of a menace.  I went down there one time, just out of curiosity (ok, I was hoping to check out some hot nude babes) and there was just a bunch of fat old dudes and one really not pretty woman.  I would not use the term “ugly,” as it is disrespectful, but she was so not pretty that her nickname was “the Wolfman.” 

I am not so sure that she and her naked pals were all that view enhancing either, but at least they were off by themselves and seemingly were not bothering anybody or their oceanic views.  In Laguna Beach this statue was gonna be right there where everybody known to man would see it.  Is a bright orange surfboard that much of an eye sore?  Maybe, maybe not.  Beauty and aesthetics are in the eye of the beholder.  I mean, you are talking to a guy who rides a board airbrushed to look like a cow.  Hey!  There is the answer.  Change the board to cow colors and the statue can be me.  (Shut up, I can hear you gagging from here.)   

MELLOW OUT

By Corky Carroll

I had a very bad experience this past week and I feel that sharing it with you might shed some light on why we all need to really mellow out in the water and cut way back on all the aggression and heavy vibes in our crowded conditions.  I was happily enjoying a nice surf session the other day.  The waves were good and it was a beautiful morning.  All of a sudden two guys that know started some sort of verbal warfare between the two of them.  I heard one of them tell the other to shut his mouth and then paddle away. 

“Humph!” I thought, wondering what that was all about.

A short while later there was some more loud words and then they got into a little skirmish right there in the lineup.  I was sitting about twenty feet away and saw and heard the whole thing.  I was thinkin that this was really a bad situation as I am good friends with one of the guys father and also good friends with the other guys girlfriend.  Normally when guys go at it in the water I look at it as entertainment.  But I guess when its people you know it’s not so funny.  I didn’t think this was funny at all, sad was more like it.  The whole issue was pretty stupid all the way around.  But nobody got hurt and they went their separate ways and I thought that was the end of it.

But later in the day I found out that one of the guys had called the police and was pushing for charges to be filed and it was pretty serious.  The other guy had been arrested and taken to jail.  And on top of all that I was being told that as an eye witness that I was required to go in and make a statement of what I saw.  This was NOT what I wanted to do.  So I went over and tried to talk the guy who was pressing the charges into mellowing out and letting it drop.  He wouldn’t do it.  On top of it the guys girlfriend was also friends with the other guys father.  I reminded her that we were all friends and the last thing the father needed was any kind of trouble, he has had his share already.  But no dice, they were pushing ahead.

I went in as asked and told what I saw and tried to calm the situation down by putting it into perspective as “just one of those dumb things that happen,” hoping it would not come to anything more than what it already had.  The truth was that both of them were at fault in my eyes.  One should have shut up when the other guy told him too and the other guy didn’t really need to call the cops.  But that is just my opinion.  I did my best to calm it all down.

Then I get an email from the father of the guy who got arrested blaming it all on me and telling me how he is never going to forgive me for “telling the cops it was my sons fault when he didn’t do a thing.”  

Argh.  His son was not innocent, neither was the other guy.  It was like they both were intent on confrontation.  And I did not blame his son, nor the other guy.  I just told what I saw and heard.  My best explanation I could give was to compare it to twenty hungry guys looking at one chicken.  They all want the chicken and the two strongest would up fighting over it.  Words were said, blows where thrown, bla bla bla.  In the middle of the whole thing while everyone was watching the two dude paddle away a great wave came along and I grabbed it while nobody else was looking.  None the less, it was a real lose-lose situation. 

WHEN DA SHARK BITES

By Corky Carroll

For the past several years there have been continuous shark sightings in the San Onofre Surfing Beach area.  It has been documented on television and in the papers many times along with photos and video taken for helicopters and from the beach.  It seem that some great whites have taken up residence in the area and seem to be willing to co-exist with the surfers fairly well so far.  At least they haven’t eaten anybody that we know of, yet.  The other day I got an email from my pal and avid SUP surfer Ron Chrislip.  Ron has been the main influence on me to take up paddling on the SUPs and he is so stoked on it that it is all he ever talks about anymore.  A typical conversation with him goes like this:

“Hey Ron, howsit?”

“I love SUPs, you gotta do it.  It is the best thing since sex and you will never go back once you start.”

“Cool, so what’s new.?

“My new SUP, it’s amazing.” 

“O.K., see ya later then.”

“Yeah, I’ll be on my SUP.” 

It goes on like that and no matter how many times you try and change the subject he reverts it back to SUPs.  He is a lawyer, so he is good at directing the flow of the conversation.  Anyway, he is stoked and that is a good thing.  To be really and clearly “INTO” something, no matter what it is, I think is healthy.  Well, maybe not if its cannibalism or something, but you know what I mean.  So, speaking of man eating, here is Ron’s email to me:

“This morning I paddled out on my SUP at dog patch. I had cut my toe on the shore rocks on the way out and my toe was bleeding, although I didn’t know because the water was too cold.  After about an hour some guy paddles buy and says he saw a big shark. I look on the horizon to see if I could see a fin, then I look down and a 9 foot great white shark was staring at me in front of my board about 2 feet away.  Lucky I was standing and not dragging my bloody toe in the water. I almost fell on top of the shark. He stayed for about 10 seconds slowly circling in front of me. It seemed like an eternity. My board was slowly drifting toward him until I was almost on top the curious bugger, and then he slowly, very slowly, swam away toward a kayaker 50 yards away. I told the dude there is a shark swimming right towards you. We both slowly paddled in. It was about 100 yards to shore. I had this weird feeling that the shark was following me in.  I didn’t fall or get off my board until it hit the sand. When I got off 2 dudes came up and said they had seen the same shark-9-10 foot great white. One guy had fallen in the impact zone and as he was splashing around the tail of the shark nearly hit him. It turns out that a great white juvenile has been scaring the poopoo out of people at San Onofre for about 7 years. The latest was 3 weeks ago when it knocked some guy off his SUP. Now my name is on the list of buyers for new shorts. Look it up on the  internet. San Onofre is now the great white shark capital of the world. As I said I didn’t realize my foot was bleeding until I came on the beach and saw a trail of blood to my car.  You see more stuff on the SUP, good or bad.”

Speaking of eating things, tomorrow is Mothers Day.  No, the thought of “they always eat their young” is not what comes to mind.  But with a few of my pals it might not have been a bad idea on their moms part.  But what I wanted to say is that a Mama day gift basket from Wonderland Bakery makes a great gift item.  They are in Newport Beach and do great things, including the new “Corky Cowacookie Surf Basket” that we have been lovingly designing.  Happiness to all the mamas out there. 

Lastly, you still have a week to get your entry into the “name my new massage chair” contest.  Entries close on Friday.