DON’T BITE MY TONGUE

By Corky Carroll

From time to time I have written about the adventures of my neighbor and pal, the infamous “Iguana.”  From frozen dogs and cats in his freezer to swiping Speedos off  dead guys in Mexico, it’s always something with him.  This week he pulled another one. 

For those of you who don’t know the Iguana I can only tell you that he is about as loco as it gets outside of one of those homes for loco dudes.  He is also a legendary surfer and former big time lifeguard from the Seal Beach area.  He is known for crossing the line from normal to the land of Oz, so to speak.  But on this rare occasion it was not something that he did that got him into trouble, well not directly anyway.  He got bugged by a bug.

It had been a wonderful day of surfing.  The waves were excellent and the Iguana and our other neighbor, Tommy Evans, had put numerous hours into happily shredding long walls and basking in a beautiful day.  I was out of town on a mission and missed it.  I hate missing it.  Anyway, that evening the Iguana and Tommy decided to head down to a local café and grab a pizza and a bottle of wine.  They were worn out from the days surfing and neither had any energy to make dinner. 

The Iguana tends to drink more than most mortals.  I don’t know how he does it.  And, on this occasion as with many, OK most, other occasions he put down quite a bit of vino.  Sometime later in the evening when the stories where getting more colorful, and the Iguana was really getting personality, he was energetically in the middle of one of his rants about something and went to take a drink from his wine glass without looking at it.  He didn’t see the wasp that had landed right on the edge of his glass.  As he went to take a sip the thing stung him right on the end of his tongue. 

Within minutes, and in the midst of a lot of “oughs” and “ohs” and general moaning and groaning, his tongue started to swell up and also turned black.  From what everybody said it was quite entertaining for everyone there, except probably the Iguana himself.  Pain has a kinda way of taking the joy out of an experience like that.  After awhile his tongue was really big and he was having a hard time talking, which is really bad for him as he loves to talk.

So he decided it was time to go home and take some Benadryl or something. 

Later that night the Iguana calls up Tommy and is incoherent.  “Agaawalawala  ma togawalabango.” 

Tommy figures the Iguana is wasted and tells him to call him back when he is sober enough to talk.  A few minutes later he gets another call and it is more of the same.  That is when he realized that maybe the Iguanas condition had worsened.  A emergency run to the hospital possibly saved the Iguanas life. 

Tommy reported with a huge smile, “His tongue was the size of a giant salami and sticking out of his mouth about five inches, it was classic!” 

SURFING ELOQUENCE PART 9

By Corky Carroll

Finally the last segment in the surfing terminology series.  I honestly only meant this to take two or three week and here it has wandered its way into the ninth installment.  But this is the last one, I promise.  Even if I have to leave a few out I am wrapping this up this week.  We left off on the letter “S.”

SEX WAX:  this is actually a brand of surfboard wax.  Somebody told the guy who started to make it that he needed a “sexy” name for it.  So he called it Sex Wax.  Once when I was working in a surf shop a couple of girls from France came in and asked what that was.  I told them it was something else and giggled, bought two bars, and mentioned something about “Pierre” and “Henry.”  It’s the small things that make me smile.

SHRALPING:  this means to surf well.  Or get a haircut.  You can also use “shredding” or “ripping” for this same use. 

SOUL ARCH:  this is a surf pose that was perfected by David Nuuhiwa during the noseriding era.  My favorite was in infamous “hood ornament soul arch” performed by Craig “Owl” Chapman more than many times back in the 1970’s.   Surfer/musician Donavon Frankenreiter has been known to excel in this classic stance at times too. 

SOUP:  the broken part of the wave, also called the whitewater.

SPONGER:  anyone riding a body board.  Or the dude who works at the carwash finishing up your car.

STINKBUG STANCE:  this was made popular by certain legendary big wave surfers who had more nerve than style.  It is sort of a squat with arms out wide and resembles a stink bug.

TAIL:  the back end of a surfboard or a hot surf chick.  A popular surf move used is the “tail slide.” 

TALK STORY:  what I attempt to do hear each week but usually wind up in some rambling nonsense that makes no rhyme or reason to even me.  Like, “Once upon a time at surfcamp…..” 

THRUSTER:  a three fin surfboard design developed by Simon Anderson back in the 70’s and still used today. 

TOMBSTONING:  this is a very bad thing to happen to you.  It is when you get held down so deep and strong that your leash pulls the tail of the board underwater, leaving the nose sticking up like a tombstone. 

TOES ON THE NOSE:   the act of noseriding where you hang your toes over the front of the board. 

TWIN FIN:  a classic surfboard shape made popular by myself and Rolf Aurness in 1970.  Later this shape was copied with a “swallow tail” and they named it the “fish.”

I still claim its better in its original form. 

VICTORY AT SEA:  windy and choppy conditions. 

WOODY:  not what you think with your dirty minds.  It refers to old station wagons that had wood panel sides and surfers used them because they were cheap and you could sleep in them. 

WIPE OUT:  what the series of surfology has tuned into.  I am done.

SURFING ELOQUENCE PART 8

By Corky Carroll

I am really hoping that this, what was meant to be a short, series on surfing terminology gets itself wrapped up soon.  In any case here is one more installment.  I really hope this is helping you non surf verbagers communicate better with your surfing friends.  This week we pick up at the letter “P.”

PEELING:  not something you do with a banana or in the car.  This is to describe a wave that breaks perfectly in one direction or the other, or both.  You would say, “Look Larry, it’s peelin’ out there.  Grab your stick and lets hit it before Mickey Ratt get out there.”

QUIVER:  this is your stash of surfboards, much like arrows to a bow and arrow kinda dude.  Also something you do on the beach on a monster mackin’ day when you really don’t want to go out but all your buds are callin’ you on. 

RAIL:  this is what we call the sides of the surfboard as opposed to the top and bottom or nose and tail.  Other uses of this are like a “rail sandwich,” where the board hits you in the mouth or “grabbing a rail,” where you grab on with one hand while riding a wave to insure you don’t eat it and bet a rail sandwich.

RASHGUARD:  a Lycia shirt used to protect us from the sun and from getting nipple rashes from the wax on the deck of our boards.  Nipple rashes are really NO fun.  Getting the right size in these is critical because if you don’t you will get a rash from wearing the rashguard and a rashguard rash is really a mega bummer.

RIP:  to surf really good.  Or to be dead. 

RUBBERED:  the way you feel after a full days surf session and your arms are like rubber.  Or what you have to be in order to surf really cold conditions. 

SECTION:   when a wave does not peel perfectly you would say, “It’s mackin’ big time but there are some gnarly sections in the inside lineup.”

SHAKA:  this is sort of Hawaiian slang that would mean the same thing as, “Hey bro, way cool.”  There is a hand signal that goes with this that is not allowed by any of the schools in our district, so kids DON’T be doing that and saying you got it from me.  

SHOOT THE PIER:  I had to put this one in as this is coming to you from Huntington Beach.  This means to ride through the pier, not to pop it one with a pistol. 

SHOULDER HOPPER:  the absolute scum of the earth, lower than a lawyer.  These are the bottom feeders that rudely take off in front of somebody who is already coming down the wave and in better position that they are.  For some reason I attract these vermin.  At least two or three burn me every day.  You know who you are too and if I wasn’t a weak old wuss I would smack ya down hard.  But I am so I won’t.

HERBIE

By Corky Carroll

A lot of times when the zillions of great surfers to come out of Huntington Beach gets talked about they forget to mention Herbie Fletcher.  Probably because he has lived in the southern end of Orange County for so long that unless you were around in the 1960’s you might not even know that Herb came from here.  He, along with his older brother John, went to Huntington Beach High School a couple of years after myself, John Boozer and Tommy Leonardo.  His parents were friends with mine and used to hang out on the pier together watching our heats when we were competing in the U.S. Championships. 

When I took over running the Hobie Surfboards surf team around 1965 one of the first young dudes I recruited to surf for us was Herbie Fletcher.  We had some really great young talent in those days which included Herbie Torrens, George Weaver, Billy Hamilton as well as Fletcher.  As a junior he would win numerous events as well as being a semi-finalist in the World Championships in San Diego in 1966 at about the age of 16 or 17. 

Toward the end of the 1960’s Herbie fled the California contest scene and moved to the North Shore of Oahu where he made a solid name for himself charging surf of all shapes and sizes.  He was probably most well known for his adventurous side slipping, letting his fin pop free and slipping down the waves sideways, in some pretty heavy surf conditions.  I don’t know of anyone that is better at that move than Herbie. 

He would eventually marry Walter Hoffmans younger daughter Dibby and move back to the Dana Point area and open his own surfboard business.  Having a great imagination and zest for coming up with new stuff Herbie came up with “Astrodeck,” a textured adhesive tape that would act as a wax replacement for surfboard, and other, decks.  Today’s tail pads would be an example of the heritage of Herbies invention. 

Along the way he and his wifes uncle, legendary big wave maverick Flippy Hoffman, got into riding jet ski’s during big swells on the outer reefs off of Capistrano Beach.  This led Herb to actually surf huge waves at Waimea Bay on his.  And this led to towing surfers into giant waves at outside Pipeline and Jaws on the island of Maui.  Herbie was at the front of that whole scene.  Jumping a big wave on his jet ski also broke his back one day.  Only slowed him down awhile though. 

Today Herbie lives in San Clemente with his wife and super star surf sons Christian and Nathan.  I got to surf with him a couple of months ago at a great spot down in Mexico and had a gas.  He is still stoked and pushing and smiling and being the cool guy self that he is and always has been.  One of the real success stories when it comes to local surfers from Huntington Beach.

SURFING ELOQUENCE PART 7

By Corky Carroll

Yep, it’s another exciting adventure into surf lingo.  But fret not loyal readers, I am soon coming to the end of the alphabet and this longer than I ever thought it was gonna be series will be over and I can get back to the normal rantings that you have come to expect and read, if for no other reason than to see what stupid stuff I came up with for yet another week.  Today we pick up at the end of the letter “O.”  (This is where you say, “Oh.”)

OUTSIDE:  this is the area that is out past the waves where everybody sits and waits for sets to come in.  There is a whole different social structure out there.  Also, if you are at the right beach, there is a great view from outside.

OVERHEAD:  a term used as a measure of wave height.  It would be over your head.  Double overhead and triple overhead etc etc.  When it gets up to like six times overhead you can just say, “Freaking Mackin’.”

PARTY WAVE:  a wave that can accommodate a group of surfers on it all at the same time.  This always sounds fun when everybody is starting to take off but often times ends in some sort of disaster when the kuk in the middle digs a rail and causes everybody else to eat it and boards to smash into each other.  That’s when you yell, “Party kick-ass on Freddy the Kuk.”

PEAK:  a wave that forms the shape of a peak.  Surfers love peaks as they have good shape in both directions.  Then there is the term “Twin Peaks,” which is normally used to discreetly mention a hot chicks breasts.  Surfers love twin peaks as they also tend to have good shape in both directions.  

PEARL:  this is surf slang for what happens when the nose of the surfboard buries itself underwater.  Back in the early days when the boards where wood the original term for this was “Pearl Diving.”  When somebody did this you would say. “Hahahah, did you see Freddy the kuk go peal diving on that one?”  

PINTAIL:  a surfboard design where the tail goes back to a point.  Normally used on big wave boards.

PIPELINE:  one of the greatest surfing spots in the world.  It is located on the North Shore of the island of Oahu.  Very hollow waves are also called “Pipes.” 

PRUNED:  a condition that happens to parts of your body, such as your fingers, when you have been in the water too long.  This can be embarrassing if the hot chick you are trying to hook up with happens to catch you changing out of your wetsuit when you have just finished a three hour go out.  “No baby, no.  It’s only pruning…. Come back.”

PUMPING:  A term used to tell that the swell is really solid and consistent.  “It was totally pumpin’ out of the south, makin’ southern hemi.” 

SURFING ELOQUENCE PART 6

Yes loyal fans, this week we have yet another installment into the wonderful world of surf terminology.  I want to point out that I only started this series as a public service for those who don’t surf and need to communicate, at least a little bit, with those friends and family who do surf.  I had no idea that it was gonna get so long or that there were so many surf terms until I started listing them.  Last week we left off somewhere in the “L’s.”  I will do my best to get through this before the turn of the century. 

LONGBOARD:  this is technically considered any surfboard that is nine feet or over in length.  Although it is subjective really.  Like a small girl riding an 8’ board would be considered longboarding.  But, it’s basically a “long” surfboard.  Or something that used to happen to me in History class.  I was “long….bored.”  (OK, that was stupid.)

LULL:  a long period of time between waves when the water is pretty flat.  Also used to describe the period between girlfriends, boyfriends or lovers of any variety.

As in, “There is a LULL in the action.” 

MACKING:  when the surf is extremely intense.  “Wow George, it was “mackin’” out there today.”  You can also use this with eating.  Such as, “Whoa, look at Mickey Ratt totally mackin’ out on that stack of hotcakes.”

MINIGUN:  a speed shape surfboard that was designed for medium to large surf back in the 1960’s.  A full gun is a board for really big surf.  The first ones were called “elephant guns.”  Later this term got shortened to just “gun” or “big wave gun.”  It’s funny because in the early days the music that was always used during the big wave sequence in the surf movies was the “Theme from Peter Gunn.” 

MUSHBURGER:  this describes a wave that is full of water and is “mushy.”  Also this is one of my own words that caught on.  It came about one day after a couple of friends and I had lunch at Mac’s Coffee Break in Dana Point.  We had eaten Mac’s Hamburgers.  Then we went to San Onofre to check the surf and it was very mushy.  Still feeling the effects of being full from the burgers I commented that it was “burgering” out there.  My friend said, “what are you talking about?”  And I said the waves were like big “mushburgers.”  It caught on. 

NECTAR:  this is used as an adjective for something really good.  Mostly used when talking about a hot chick.  “That babe is soooooooooo nectar, um ummmmmmm!”  You can also say that the surf was nectar or your new surfboard is totally nectar etc etc.  But it seems to work best when talking about girls because the connotation is that “nectar” is like really sweet.

NOODLED:  when you are so tired from surfing that your arms feel like that have turned into noodles it is called being “noodled.”  Or you can say, “my arms are beginning to noodleize.”

NORTH SHORE:  in surfing this always means the North Shore of the island of Oahu in Hawaii.

NOSE RIDE:  the act of riding on the very front of a surfboard.  This is a longboard move, although I have seen a few guys do it on shortboards too.  If you put five toes over the nose it is called “hanging five.”  Ten toes over is “hanging ten.” 

OFFSHORE:   this is the name for the wind that blows off of the land and towards the ocean.  It holds the waves up and makes them hollow and better shape usually.  ONSHORE is the opposite and makes the waves choppy and BLOWN OUT. 

OUTSIDE:  this is the area that is out past the waves where everybody sits and waits for sets to come in.  There is a whole different social structure out there.  Also, if you are at the right beach, there is a great view from outside.  

OVER THE FALLS:  this is what happens to you when you don’t make the take off correctly on a big wave and you get hung up at the top and then violently sucked over with the wave.  These are horrible wipe outs and can be extremely funny for all those watching but no so funny for the person who got sucked over.  The “suckee” as it were.